The Way of Growth

Shortly after the previous post, I began to feel the effects of the medication. The new sensations and feelings of warmth and weirdness sent me into a really bad panic attack. I sorely regretted what I had eaten earlier that night as I nearly emptied the contents of my innards. I didn't vomit but I certainly felt some other digestive effects of the meds. Frantically, I called my best friend, crying, telling her how scared I was, especially after the panic attack.

In the morning, I called the doctor. He reassured me that the attack was partially my fear and partially my body not used to it. He had prescribed me some other pills to make me sleepy, I suppose he anticipated this happening. So I am giving it some time, we shall see. Yesterday was just terrible, I couldn't eat anything and I was so sleepy. I came home from work and passed out for almost two hours and woke up thinking I had slept through an entire day. I started freaking and then reassured myself that I had not done that. But as the evening continued, I called for help and ended up watching Project Runway at a friends (I nearly fell asleep during). The worst part of yesterday was that a guy in my class that I have started to make friends with (and whom I kinda like) had to hear me spill what was happening but he was willing to listen and that really helped. I even told my professor. But I feel that the more people know, the more who can monitor me in case something happens.

Today, things were a lot better, but I was still drowsy as hell and a little woozy. I nearly started to panic again but a quick phone call and a shower calmed me down.

I just want to be better now, like RIGHT NOW. But that is the way of growth, you cannot just go from point A to point B without some challenges and pitfalls along the way. Otherwise, the journey wouldn't be worth it.

Aum Shanti