Alone in the lab

I have been trying not to spend too much time alone. It isn't completely empty here in the lab, but most of the usual crowd have left and I suddenly hear only white noise and shuffling. The air in here has got to be 65, I am so ridiculously cold, right down to my toes.

My homework has not gone well this evening and I am left wondering what the hell I am really doing this all for. I don't know what I want to go into. I'm not very strong in many areas in this degree and yet I still made it here. I was placed here, so I will stick it out.

Everyone here is coughing, probably because this place is so goddamn cold. I am already sick in my brain, I don't need to be sick elsewhere in my body.

I've had some aches that I can't explain and I am not sure if they are to do with the meds. I'm still a little shaky in the morning and at night my arm starts to feel really funny and I go to bed fearing death just like I did before the meds. My heart was beating so much from stress I did worry that I would go to sleep and never wake up in the morning. I cuddle my cat and pray that I get to have a morning to wake up to. It sometimes keeps me up at night, being too afraid to simply die in my sleep. Because I don't want to die! I want to find out what I'm here for, find out everything there is to learn, make as much beautiful and meaningful art as I can.

I will finish up my work here tonight and get some well deserved rest. I think after a day like today, I need it.